Sandra and I have been blessed with three of the most loving dogs you could ever imagine.
Our first, Sir Isaac Newton, “Newt”, was the perfect child. He never begged at the table….but he ate at the table, and always stayed still and silent during the blessing.
Leonardo Da Vinci, “Vince” was house broken in two weeks, and started sleeping in our bed two days later. He was everybody’s buddy, including “Wabbles”, our cat.
Our latest addition, Life of Riley, “Riley”, is a work in progress. He is six months old, going on 4, and is currently learning how to sleep.
I have also come across three “actual” humans who seemed to want to be dogs themselves, or had some serious psychological barking disorders.
My first encounter was a guy named “Hound Dog Harvey.” He was from South Georgia, went by the name “Hound Dog”, and preferred “sire” to “sir”.
His fetish (not to be confused with fetch), would cause him to bark in response to speakers, preachers, teachers, and the occasional radio or TV announcer.
My next “wannabe” canine could have sung bass in the choir. I am one thousand percent sure he had never been under the neuter knife. My one and only “doggy night out” with him was in Massachusetts on one of the coldest nights on record. We were walking across a foot bridge to a restaurant when he terrorized the fellow in front of him with the loudest woof I have ever heard. The victim literally jumped into the icy water. Thank God that his mark was his soon to be son-in-law.
My final and hopefully last case was a late bloomer. He was 65, which computes to 455 in dog years. George (both his name and his dog alias) began serious barking on the golf course. He celebrated good shots by howling and bad ones by whining.
George widened his repertoire with physical antics like hiking his leg over urinals and fire hydrants. Soon his act included hotel rooms and restaurants, who did not allow dogs.
I thought about going to see a dog psychiatrist myself before George had a bark show in the radio….but what would I say? “Do you treat barkers?” Answer - “Yes”, “I mean people who bark?” Answer – “Yes, as long as they have insurance.”